Isn't it amazing how one simple phrase can bring so many different thoughts and feelings into our minds?

Home.
The place we feel the most like ourselves.  A place that should be safe.  The place we sleep and eat and live.  At the end of the day, we go back to the place we call home.  We can be comfortable there.  Home. 

Where do I call home?
When I was in high school, I could answer.
When I was in college, I could tell you.
For the past year, I could respond.
But now that I am leaving GR, and going back to what was home in HS, how do I respond?

Home to me, has always meant certain things.  Some of them good, but others not so good.

In the five years since I have called Lansing home, I've changed.  So much.  But so has home.  Maybe not as much as I have, but it has changed.  So as I go back I wonder, what is this going to look like?  Do I expect it all to be the same?  Do I expect things to fall into place and work out perfectly?  Do I expect this to be the answer that I've been searching for?

But it has to be more than that.  I want to be this amazing woman of God.  I want to be a warrior and a princess, to be a defender and to be His beloved.  I want to lift others up, and to grow my roots deep in Him.  I want to be healthy - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  With the help and grace of God, I can become those things.  Sure, I will never be perfect.  But I can be holy just as God is holy.  That is the life He is calling me to live.  However, I can't go home and expect to fix everyone else.  These things aren't going to go away.  I have to fight my demons, and forgive those who've wounded me.  I have to let God heal the old scars.  I have to face myself, and let God show me who I've let myself become.  Is home the best place to do that? *sigh* Maybe it should be.  But I am so full of apprehension.  What is this going to be like?  Is this the right choice?  I am going to miss GRTS so very much.  I've been blessed here, but I feel like it's time.  My heart has already moved on.  I am following Love - just like I always have.

*sigh*  It's getting late, and I feel kind of melancholy.  I think I should get some rest.  I will be grateful when the next couple days are over.  hehe, I've been saying that all week :)

God, be with me.  Holy Spirit, be here now.  Be there.  Prepare us all for this move. Help me run to you.  Help me be the woman that I've been at SAU and here at GRTS.  Help me show my family the joyful woman I've become.  And give me the grace to continue to be that woman whether they approve or not.  Amen.

Today, people search for eggs, eat chocolate, spend time with friends and family, open Easter baskets and many go to church.  For many many years, we've celebrated this day.  Although, I think like so many things, we forget the meaning of it.  What does Easter mean?

In my family, we really never spent much time on Easter.  It was a 'church holiday' which meant my sister and I most likely were forced to go to church with our godmother - an event I disliked very much until I was about fifteen.  We got baskets filled with the presents you don't want to get for Christmas - i.e. notebooks, pens, pencils, socks, etc.  Sure, I'd also get a chocolate bunny rabbit, and my sister would get a non-chocolate substitute (she was allergic to chocolate for many years, and even now can't have loads of it).  We might eat a big dinner at someones house, but other than that, we really didn't focus on it much.  So, today as I sat at church and listened to a sermon, I thought about what today really means.

And there are critiques about today that I could give.  For instance, I don't know how I feel about wearing jeans to church on Easter Sunday... Easter is supposed to be special.  Even as a senior in high school, I was made to wear a skirt or dress on Easter.  Worship on Easter Sunday should be about rejoicing - at least, that's what I think.  I think that today should be a day of celebration.  For when the women went to the tomb, it was empty.  He wasn't there!!!  I couldn't help but get frustrated as we sang slower songs at church.  Don't get me wrong, I love those songs.  But those songs are for Friday.  Today, we celebrate!  It's a party not a funeral!  Anyway, that's the end of that meaningless rant and on to what today is truly about.

Today is about resurrection.  We think about how Jesus was crucified.  He was put in the grave.  And he came out of the tomb three days later, and people saw him.  People touched his hands and feet.  Jesus ate with them.  But today we can think beyond Jesus' resurrection.  Because it is his resurrection that makes our resurrection possible.

Today, the pastor preached from 1 Corinthians.  Not a book you would imagine the Easter sermon coming from.  But as the pastor spoke, he talked about how there are times in life we want to 'check out'.  We wonder, why is this worth it?  Why is this ministry worth it?  I know there are times I thought that last year as an R.A.  Moments when I would get so frustrated with the girls on my floor, and I would want to check out emotionally.  What did it matter?  The pastor spoke about how Paul had spent eighteen months with the Corinthian church.  Then he moved on.  But when he went back, there were so many problems in the church.  There were men in the church who were going to prostitutes.  There were families breaking apart.  There were factions in the church.  It was a mess.  So Paul writes a letter.  He reminds them of the resurrection that they have put so much faith in.  Did they forget that Jesus rose from the grave?  No, but they did forget that the resurrection isn't just about that.  See, Paul wasn't trying to convince them about Jesus' resurrection.  Paul was trying to convince them of their own resurrection.

In the book of Revelations, God promises us that there will be a new heaven and a new earth.  We will all be raised from the dead and given bodies that will not perish.  We will be whole once again, and the earth will be restored.  There will be no more sin, and God will dwell with us.  That is the resurrection.  That is our hope.  That anything we do here WILL matter.  Even though it doesn't look like it.  Paul wanted to remind them that there is more than just this moment.  That they don't have to get it all now.  Their labor for the Lord is not in vain.  It does matter.  It matters because one day everything that God is doing will be brought to completion.  Jesus isn't a baby in a manger.  He's not a broken man on a cross.  He didn't stay in the grave.  He's not staying in heaven forever.  He's coming back.  Paul knew that kind of hope could change their lives.  It could change the way that they live in the present.  That kind of hope could affect their faithfulness now.  And the same is true for any of us who believe in Him.

Someone took our place.  All we have to do is receive that gift.  See, Good Friday is what we deserve.  The cross.  The nails.  The punishment.  But God loved us so much, that his one and only son came to earth and stepped in our place.  He took on sin.  So that when God sees Christ, God sees us.  When God sees us, God sees Christ.  What was done for us should be more important to us than what was done to us.  For a believer, the cross and the resurrection should be our defining moment.  That's where it all changes.  That hope and celebration and outlook should be what sets us apart.  What makes us foolish to the rest of the world. 

And that's what Easter is.  Easter is a celebration of the fact that we are foolish.  That Christ is coming back.  That one day, we will brought to completion.  That we are to be holy as He is holy.  That Jesus is alive, and so are we!  Easter is a celebration of the hope that we have.  Because it doesn't end here.  It may look like it is hopeless, but, in the words of a chapel speaker my first year at SAU, "Sunday is coming!  Friday may be here, but Sunday is coming."  Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes with the morning.  And morning is coming.  Christ is coming back.

On another note, I think that God has presented a new theme for me to study and learn.  See, over the past few years God has brought something to mind that I have needed to work on.  Course, it doesn't mean I've finished any of the others.  When it comes to God and to my faith, I've come to realize that the more I know the more I need to learn.  Anyway, these themes have presented themselves to my life just as I've needed them for myself, and sometimes for others.  One was being real to myself and others.  Another, was learning to love and learning to let God love me.  Yet another was who I am in Christ.  This new one, is what does it mean to live as if sin really has no power over me?  We sing songs that say that.  We say that sin has lost its power and death has lost its sting.  What does it mean to live that truth?  What will my life look like as I live it out? 

God, as I bow before you today may I be reminded of the lengths you went to for me.  I am not defined by the pain I've endured.  I am not defined by a family that is broken, or friends who have betrayed me.  I am not defined by my failures or my shortcomings.  I am not defined by the moments when I was the butt of jokes.  Instead, I am defined by You, O Maker of the stars.  My defining moment is the moment when I lay it all down at the foot of the cross.  When I let it all be crucified with Your son.  When I embrace You and all You have planned for my life.  That is my defining moment.  That is what makes me who I am.  Lord, You are all I could imagine.  And all I cannot imagine.  You are love itself, and You make this life worth it.  I cannot see all that will result because You are at work in me and through me.  But one day, Your son will return.  You will restore this world to all You had planned it to be.  All will fall before You and call You God.  Until then, may You find me faithful.  May I rejoice in who You are.  Amen.