Isn't it amazing how one simple phrase can bring so many different thoughts and feelings into our minds?
Home.
The place we feel the most like ourselves. A place that should be safe. The place we sleep and eat and live. At the end of the day, we go back to the place we call home. We can be comfortable there. Home.
Where do I call home?
When I was in high school, I could answer.
When I was in college, I could tell you.
For the past year, I could respond.
But now that I am leaving GR, and going back to what was home in HS, how do I respond?
Home to me, has always meant certain things. Some of them good, but others not so good.
In the five years since I have called Lansing home, I've changed. So much. But so has home. Maybe not as much as I have, but it has changed. So as I go back I wonder, what is this going to look like? Do I expect it all to be the same? Do I expect things to fall into place and work out perfectly? Do I expect this to be the answer that I've been searching for?
But it has to be more than that. I want to be this amazing woman of God. I want to be a warrior and a princess, to be a defender and to be His beloved. I want to lift others up, and to grow my roots deep in Him. I want to be healthy - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. With the help and grace of God, I can become those things. Sure, I will never be perfect. But I can be holy just as God is holy. That is the life He is calling me to live. However, I can't go home and expect to fix everyone else. These things aren't going to go away. I have to fight my demons, and forgive those who've wounded me. I have to let God heal the old scars. I have to face myself, and let God show me who I've let myself become. Is home the best place to do that? *sigh* Maybe it should be. But I am so full of apprehension. What is this going to be like? Is this the right choice? I am going to miss GRTS so very much. I've been blessed here, but I feel like it's time. My heart has already moved on. I am following Love - just like I always have.
*sigh* It's getting late, and I feel kind of melancholy. I think I should get some rest. I will be grateful when the next couple days are over. hehe, I've been saying that all week :)
God, be with me. Holy Spirit, be here now. Be there. Prepare us all for this move. Help me run to you. Help me be the woman that I've been at SAU and here at GRTS. Help me show my family the joyful woman I've become. And give me the grace to continue to be that woman whether they approve or not. Amen.
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